Wednesday, 15 January 2014

A long long overdue update and a ressurection!

Well as kind of expected I didn't stick to the blogging. I thought of it often, but never actually got the laptop out. I think my excuse is laziness, but as of 2014, that excuse no longer stands, I am going to try again!

So where are we now? Last time I posted was 13 months ago. It feels like yesterday to be honest. We have been living here for 16 months now and a lot has changed since my last blog. In December 2012, we had a lovely family Christmas, my brother and his wife came over from New York and my parents and grandparents came down here and we hosted them all in our lovely big home. It was great.

The start of 2013, saw a slow but steady development of a couple of friendships. My eldest started to make a couple of friends at the local playgroups and in turn I began talking to their Mums. In April R started nursery school at the local primary school and it was the best decision ever to send her there. She is thriving there and doing really really well. I started to widen my circle of 'Mum' friends from talking to others at pick up time and R made more good friends.

In May, my Mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, it was a really difficult time for us all, and really tested my decision to move away. It was hard feeling so far away from her and I think she struggled too, but at the same time, it was nice to be able to have her down here for a couple of weeks every now and again during her recovery from surgery etc.

Also in May, my youngest T, was rushed to hospital with breathing difficulties. It was a particularly difficult time as R was at nursery, my Mum was 4 days post surgery and hubby was overseas! I had to get one of the other mums to pick R up for me and look after her all day and then my Dad had to leave work and travel the 2 hours plus to collect her.

The school Summer holidays were a bit difficult for me as I went from having the structure of the nursery routine and seeing people everyday and that bit of adult conversation to nothing again. R's gymnastics class stopped for the holidays too. I'm not afraid to admit I struggled a bit and had a few wobbles.

Once the school term started again, things improved dramatically and I really started to cement some friendships and we even started arranging play dates and seeing each other outside of the school run. I am now happy to say I have a few 'proper' friends now, I even have their mobile numbers, surely the sign of a proper friendship.

Our week is now full of different playgroups, gymnastic classes, going to friends for coffee etc and I genuinely feel like I have settled here. R is completely settled in her nursery, she has more party invites than I think I have ever had! I have an ever widening group of lovely Mum friends, some I know I can call on to help me out if I need them too.

I still miss my northern friends, even more so when I go back and spend time with them, as I really feel as though i'm not part of the group anymore. Its nothing they've done, they are all lovely, but they get on with their lives and I am just not there to be as much part of their lives anymore. I love seeing them, but when we get together as a group, I sometimes come away feeling a bit sad.

I have lots more to say and now I have ideas for lots more posts, but I think that's enough for now.

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

How do you make friends?

How do you go about consciously making friends? I'm not sure I've ever consciously made the effort to make friends, it's just sort of happened and until now I haven't really thought about the mechanics of becoming someones friend.

At primary school, it was so much easier, you could just go up to a kid you liked the look of and say 'Will you be my friend?' They'd look you up and down and decide either yes or no and off you'd go on your merry way, undoubtedly holding hands with your new friend!

Real life, it seems isn't as easy as that. I've been going to some playgroups for a couple of months now and I know a few of the Mum's by sight. I tend to have a chat with a few of them during the course of the session, but that's as far as it goes really. And I'm not sure how to take it further?

Do I just wait it out and hope that something develops in time? 

There's a particular Mum who has 2 children similar age to mine and lives fairly close to me and is nice enough, but I don't know how to take it further. It seems too forward to just invite her round for coffee, but maybe I'll just have to take the plunge. I'm going to try encouraging my eldest to play with her eldest in the hope we can set up some play dates in the future maybe.

It's just so hard, there is another Mum who I have really taken a liking too as well and we've had the odd brief friendly conversation. Last week I was stood next to her as she was arranging a day out with another one of the Mum's this week, and I really wanted to shout out 'I want to come too, invite me, invite me!!' Obviously I didn't though, I just stood and smiled politely whilst they arranged their day of fun.

I just don't know how to take it to the next level now, maybe I just need time and let things happen naturally, but its hard when people say 'Oh have you got any friends yet?' 

Monday, 3 December 2012

A return...

I know, I know, i only managed a few posts before I fell to the wayside with the blog. I knew it would happen, but there you go. My excuse...I have plenty, my hubby has been away on business for 2 weeks, my parents have been down to stay, my Grandma died. All true and all have taken my time in some way or another. 

But enough of excuses, I am back and ready to keep this up again, more for my own sake than anything else. 

The news with us? This week marks 2 months living down here. I'm not sure if its because for the last 3 weeks, I've had either my Mum or Dad (or both) down here with me, or not, but I'm definitely starting to feel more at home. I still miss my friends desperately but I'm starting to feel as though I have a little routine going. 

I have one new friend down here who I arrange to see most weeks, and a few friendly faces at playgroups that I can chat to now. I just hope some of these friendships can transfer out of playgroup maybe.

In terms of the future, its just 3 short weeks until Christmas, my brother and sister in law who live in New York are coming over and we are having a big family Christmas down here. I am catering for 10 on Christmas Day!!!!! Our best friends are coming down at New Year and we have also booked a holiday in June to Devon with them. 

My girl turns 3 in January and even scarier, I turn 30 in February!

Life is OK at the moment, I am feeling positive!

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

A Quickie - Stick it out or cheat?

We are approaching the first big milestone, 1 whole month living down here. Swiftly to be followed by a day later, hubby flying to New Zealand for almost 2 weeks!!

That's not only the longest we have ever been apart, but nearly 2 weeks of just me and the children. As much as I adore them, that is a bloody long time. 2 weeks of bedtimes, just me, getting 2 children bathed, dressed, 1 breastfed and down to bed. Did I mention on my own?

A couple of weeks ago, Hubby went to Austria for a couple of nights and I had to do it then, it was hard work, but I managed. However the thought of 2 weeks.....arrrggghh. I seriously  take my hat off to single parents.

Talk about being thrown in at the deep end, not only do I not know anyone down here, I'm going to be totally on my own! Would it be cheating to ask my Mum and Dad to take a week off each and come and stay with me, or should I tough it out?

Monday, 5 November 2012

That age old debate - Breast & Formula feeding

I am downright sick of this so called 'debate'. Yet again have I seen something on facebook about this debate and yet again my blood starts to boil. I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. It's not necessarily the formula v breast debate that winds me up, but the fact that some Mum's insist on having this debate in the first place.

Why can't we all accept that we do the best for our babies and ourselves and that may be formula feeding, breastfeeding or a bit of both. If we all were the same then the world would be boring. Why should it concern you how the baby next door, at playgroup, down the street etc is fed? Why can't Mum's concentrate on feeding their own baby, and not worry about other babies.

Both sides are to blame in this too. Some breastfeeders spout the usual 'Breast is best, blah blah blah' making those who tried and failed to breastfeed guilty. And then you have some Formula feeders who are intent on letting the world know they are not harming their child by using formula and how dare breastfeeders suggest so.

I am tired of reading the same old thing over and over again. I personally couldn't care less how you choose to feed your child. I really couldn't. Its your decision, based on what is best for you and your baby. And I can wholeheartedly say, whatever you decide will be the right decision. What really irks me, is when you then have to constantly reinforce this decision to anyone who will listen over and over again.

This doesn't apply to all Mum's, of course it doesn't. There are positives and negatives to both ways of feeding. I know formula feeding Mums who have suffered greatly with the guilt they feel about not being able to breastfeed, but their baby is thriving on formula, so they shouldn't feel guilty. I know Mums who breastfeed who feel out of place at baby groups because everyone else is bottle feeding and they feel guilty for breastfeeding almost.

I have a friend who has stopped going to a particular baby groups because she is the only one breastfeeding and the others have made comments to her about her feeding. Likewise I know formula feeders who have felt uncomfortable bottle feeding at a babygroup because others are breastfeeding. I even had someone say to me once, that breastfeeding a baby past 6 months was for the Mothers' benefit only and was only serving to make for a clingy badly behaved child in the future. Incidentally this person is also a health visitor, though she was speaking to me as a friend at a party not in her professional capacity.

I am just tired and fed up of reading it all to be honest. Tired of  some breastfeeders making some FF's feel guilty and inferior. Breast is not always best for a happy baby and a happy Mummy. I'm tired of some formula feeders feeling the need to constantly spout about how well their baby is doing on formula. If the tables were turned, they would feel outraged.

How about we just get on with feeding our own babies and let others worry about feeding theirs. As I said previously, I don't care how you feed your baby, as long as you and your baby are happy, healthy and growing, and I bet you don't care how I feed mine!

I'm sure though, that as long as we keep having babies, this debate will continue to roll on, its human nature I suppose.

Sunday, 4 November 2012

The difficult second post

So, I started this with the intention of keeping it upto date, but for one reason and another its now over a week later!

Buuuut.... my lovely hubby surprised me with my own pretty blue laptop before the weekend so I can now blog to my hearts content. Before I usually browsed the net on the iPad or my phone, but I couldn't blog on there so relied on nabbing the laptop from my hubby when I could. Which is not very often as he always working it seems.

Anyway enough of my drivel, the upshot of it is, I can now blog whenever I want, kidlets permitting obviously.

So what has been happening with me.....well we are now 4 weeks in. This weekend our best friends and their 5 month old daughter came to stay with us. We had a lovely lovely time and It was so nice to have my bestie back for a good chat.

I have been plodding on with going to my playgroups. I am getting lots of help from the staff which is nice, trying to engage R or holding T for me so I can spend some time with my girl. Its really nice and helpful, but I want friends too, if that makes sense. I recognise a few of the Mums now and we have a brief 'Hello, how are you' type chat but no one really has made any prolonged conversation with me. And whenever they do, I find myself saying the same thing to everyone..... 'I've just moved here, I don't know anyone, blah blah blah' I must sound so boring to anyone that overhears me, so they don't come and try to talk. Plus everyone has their own little groups. Its really hard to break into

I'll keep plugging away though, I'm hopeful that it'll come in time.

In the meantime, I have arranged to meet a couple of girls that responded to my 'please be my friend' advert on Netmums. One girl I have already met, she was nice, though she had a little boy last week so may be out of action for a while. Another girl, I was supposed to meet tomorrow but she is 37 weeks pregnant and so is feeling it a little, so it may be a case of waiting til she's had her baby before we get to meet.

That's all for now, I'm tired after a weekend of late nights and screaming babies (though luckily not mine, just in my house!)

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

The Beginning ....or the New Beginning...

So... a blog. I've wanted to write one for ages. I might be rubbish at it but here goes.....

This is me, I'm rapidly, a bit too rapidly for my liking, approaching the big 3-0. I'm currently a full time Mummy to my two munchkins, R, 2yrs 9 months and T, 7 months. In the not so distant past I was a Marketer. And we have just relocated 150 miles south to the Midlands due to my Husband's new job. This, is the reason for the blog.

I am properly displaced, my friends, family, everyone is back up North. This will be outlet, my sounding board, whatever you want to call it. Maybe I'll even let people read it, maybe I won't. I'll see how it goes. 

Anyone who knows me will know, I'm a bit of a home-bird  I'm very close to my parents, my parents are very close to my children. I'm close to my best friends. I had a good support network in place, people I could call on for favours, to take me to the doctors, someone to look after the kids if I want my hair cutting etc. My best friend has just had a baby, we had a little weekly baby play date going. Now its all gone. I know no body down here, I have no support system. Last week my daughter got a sticker stuck up her nose and for a split second, I panicked, I had no way of getting her to a hospital, no one to watch the baby etc. This is what I find scary. 

I sound a bit depressed, I'm not at all. I'm just daunted by it all. Starting again....making new friends, being away from my parents, it's scary, but not insurmountable. I'm only 2.5 weeks in so all this is to be expected (isn't it?)

The far

  • We have a new house, a lovely big house. Its a big detatched 5 bed place, with a huge garden. A big improvement on our last 3 bed semi, which we were literally bursting out of
  • My Husband is out of his last job, which he hated. Whether this new job is any better is too early to judge yet, but its still a positive he is out of his last one
  • We are in a new area, new opportunities for the kids, new places to discover etc
  • My husband is starting work later, so gets to see the kids before he goes to work
  • I have found a nice new playgroup to go to twice a week

The Negatives... 

  • I don't have any support system down here
  • I don't have any friends here
  • I don't have my own car, so getting around is difficult
  • My daughter has had to leave her beloved nursery and is missing her friends
  • The nursery I want my daughter to go has a 3 year waiting list (for 2 year olds...WTF?)
  • I miss people
  • My husband is coming home from work much later than he used to, so I'm on my own with the kids much more than I used to be
  • The house may cost too much to run
My aim, is to post this list every month, and hopefully the positives will start to outweigh the negatives. Lets see.

That's all for now.